Three Things that Are Helping Keep Me Roman Catholic

"Reflect deeply on this. I cannot overemphasize its importance. Fix your eyes on the crucified and everything else will seem insignificant. Since Christ demonstrated his love by doing such amazing things and suffering so radically for us, how can your mere words be enough to please the Beloved? Do you know what it means to be truly spiritual? It means to become a slave to God. We are branded with the sign of the cross. It is the token we have given him our freedom. Now he can offer us as servants to the whole world, as he offers himself." - St. Teresa of Avila

The visible Church itself is the Lord's mystical body. The Church is the visible expression of Christ's grace and redemption, realized in the form of a society which is a sign. Any attempt at dualism here is the work of evil - as if one could play off the inward communion in grace with Christ against the juridical society of the Church, or vice versa. The Church therefore is not merely a means of salvation. It is Christ's salvation itself, this salvation as visibly realized in this world.- Edward Schillebeeckx O.P.

"‘Whoever listens to you listens to me, and whoever rejects you rejects me, and whoever rejects me rejects the one who sent me.’" - Luke 10:16

Jesus Remember Me

"A third time he [Pilate] said to them, ‘Why, what evil has he done?..." But they kept urgently demanding with loud shouts that he should be crucified; and their voices prevailed. So Pilate gave his verdict that their demand should be granted." - Luke 23:22-24

"One of the criminals who were hanged there kept deriding him... But the other rebuked him, saying, ‘Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? And we indeed have been condemned justly, for we are getting what we deserve for our deeds, but this man has done nothing wrong.’ Then he said, ‘Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.’ He replied, ‘Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in Paradise.’" - Luke 23:39-43

Two things I noticed reading today that really struck me personally. The first is the phrase "and their voices prevailed". I was thinking about this with Pilate, the educated Roman governor, the sole voice of reason, speaking out to the implacable crowd, and giving in. I find this a good parallel for my conscience. It speaks out "Why?" and the irrational cries of my passions usurp it. And much like the original account, I find myself re-crucifying Christ in my heart.

The second thing is when the good thief on the cross says "we are getting wht we deserve". Tonight I had to study for an exam, but instead I foolishly wasted my time, and today in general I failed in many many ways. I was thinking, as I was feeling guilt tonight, "I am getting what I deserve". I want to be St. John the Divine, the beloved apostle. I want to be holy, to be a saint, to hate sin, and to follow Christ into the hardest spots. But frustratingly I find myself to be the thief on the cross. The one who has made every bad choice in life, save one. The only measure of holiness I have, the sliver, is to ask the Lord Jesus "Remember me".



My dad was watching college basketball the other night, and there was a clip where the star player had fallen and injured himself, it was bad enough that the team knew that this player would have to sit out the rest of the season. They were a small school and this was their big shot at the title, and as he lay there writhing in pain, he kept telling his coach he was sorry. His coach put his arms around him and told him that he loved him and that it was alright. It almost brought me to tears. The friendship these two men had and the care the coach had for the player, the fact that he was so sincere in spite of the player's faillure. It was a beautiful moment.

I always end up injurying myself, I always end up suffering from my own idiocy. Hopefully the Lord will still find in his sacred heart to embrace me in spite of all my faillures.

Jesus remember me. Iesu Memento Mei

On a slightly lighter note:
Today we had a club meeting for the Catholic ministries on campus, and the fellowship that occurred, the trust people had, and the charity people showed to each other, it was amazing. I don't use that word lightly. It was a beautiful moment when we all voiced our weaknesses and some of our fears, but we knew that together we could make it. It sounds so cheesy, and it's so impossible to explain, but it was the communion of the saints at work.

Looking to Christ

Today I was fairly worried about all of my sin, and a very bad week in general. So I went to confession, I did everything right, and I believe in the sacrament, but I felt nothing. I then was kneeling in Mass wondering if this was all due to the scruples I have over the validity of my baptism, etc. I still felt nothing. Scripture was read. I said all the right words, and I even received the Lord in the sacrament of the Eucharist. But in the end I felt nothing really.

Now as a Thomist I don't go by feeling, I go by thinking. But I couldn't help but worry. It wasn't until I looked again at the image of the sacred heart of Jesus with the words "Jesus I trust in you" that I came to a revelation (which God has taught me many times, and probably will again in the future).

I realized that Karl Barth's criticism is true. Idolatry is really just trying to 'lay hands on God', tell God what he can do, where he can appear, etc. One of the criticisms of Catholicism is our canon law legalism, by which I mean: we limit God to the sacraments. This is a misunderstanding of Catholic theology, but an understandabe one. Hans Urs Von Balthasar retorted to Karl Barth that Protestants (Calvinists especially) do the exact same thing with their theology: "I believe so God has to accept me". This is a misunderstanding of Protestant theology. If Catholics turn sacraments into works meritting salvation, Protestants turn sola fide into the great work to merit salvation.

What I remembered today was the ultimate cause of my salvation: the Lord Jesus Christ my Redeemer. At the end of the day, I can have all the formulas and sacraments, I can know all the right words. Those are all great things, hallelujah for tham. But if I miss Christ, if I don't kneel before God in utter dependence on Christ, then I've missed what every theology and every rite was for: to make me look to Jesus.

As I contemplated all of this, and final judgment, I was reminded of Fr. Richard John Neuhaus (God rest his soul) who was a Lutheran convert and wrote this about his response on the last day:

“When I come before the judgment throne, I will plead the promise of God in the shed blood of Jesus Christ. I will not plead any work that I have done, although I will thank God that he has enabled me to do some good. I will plead no merits other than the merits of Christ, knowing that the merits of Mary and the saints are all from him; and for their company, their example, and their prayers throughout my earthly life I will give everlasting thanks. I will not plead that I had faith, for sometimes I was unsure of my faith, and in any event that would be to turn faith into a meritorious work of my won. I will not plead that I held the correct understanding of “justification by faith alone,” although I will thank God that he led me to know ever more fully the great truth that much misunderstood formulation was intended to protect. Whatever little growth in holiness I have experienced, whatever strength I have received from the company of the saints, whatever understanding I have attained of God and his ways - these and all other gifts received I will bring gratefully to the throne. But in seeking entry to that heavenly kingdom, I will… look to Christ and Christ alone.” - Fr. Richard John Neuhaus "Death on a Friday"

He took the words right out of my mouth. As much as I detest existentialist metaphysics, I must say that in my Christian faith experience I can relate to Existentialism alot. This might be why I love the Rosary so much, it reminds me of Jesus my saviour, and Mary my model for trust in and service to him, it removes me from focusing on my weakness, and makes me look to God for strength.

The Person of Jesus - The Subject of the Sacraments

On my retreat this weekend I had a sort of mini revelation. I just wrote down on a piece of paper: 'Lex Christi est Persona Christi' (probably incorrect Latin) - The Law of Christ is the Person of Christ. After I made a few minor errors during Confession I felt like I had 'done it wrong' and then fears began coming up of Baptismal invalidity, etc. I then remembered St. Ignatius' important warning to discern between the voice of God and the lies of the Devil - Indeed, it's the Scriptural admonition to 'test the spirits'. I was reminded of the theology of Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger/Pope Benedict XVI where he constantly reminds us that the Truth is not a theory or a system, but a person. I remembered that the whole purpose of the sacrament of confession is the God-given grace of contrition - sorrow for one's sins. This isn't something I can conjure up on my own, it's not something that exists in words and formula. It is God's work and my cooperation in the soul. It is a matter of the theology of the heart. I remembered that I was repenting to Christ, not performing a ritual, and that it was as St. Augustine said "heart speaketh unto heart". As ridiculous as it sounds, I need to be reminded daily that God is a person, that Jesus is a friend to me. When I understand that, it becomes so simple, one's reason is amazed at the gap bridged between the unknowable divine essence, and a friend. It reminds me of the whole purpose of the sacrament and the priesthood. To make an invisible reality a visible sign. The most powerful image I remember when I think of this is the embrace between Robert Deniro and Jeremy Irons in "The Mission", when Robert Deniro has finally made peace with God and himself.



Anyway, all of this connected to a quote I found this morning from Papa Benny, so I thought I'd post it:

"Dear young people, the happiness you are seeking, the happiness you have a right to enjoy has a name and a face: it is Jesus of Nazareth, hidden in the Eucharist. Only he gives the fullness of life to humanity! With Mary, say your own “yes” to God, for he wishes to give himself to you." - Pope Benedict XVI

No One Makes It Out Alive - Death & Gratitude

I was listening to Reformed Minister Steve Brown talking on the radio the other day, and he said something great and unexpected. A caller asked about 2012 and if it would be the end of the world, and oddly, Steve Brown started to tell a story about St. Francis of Assisi and how he answered when asked what he would do if today was the day Jesus was returning -while working in his garden- St. Francis replied 'keep working in my garden'. The best part was what Brown said next, something to the effect of "listen, I have news for you, we're all going to die, none of us are making it out of this alive, whether Jesus comes back today or not".

I told someone the other day that Jesus had the answers for all my questions in life. But perhaps of equal importance, he has the questions that I should ask myself to understand the meaning of life.

One such question I have asked myself over and over again this year and pondered many times is his question:

"For what doth it profit a man, if he gain the whole world and suffer the loss of his own soul?" - Matthew 16:26 Douay-Rheims (quid enim prodest homini si mundum universum lucretur animae vero suae detrimentum patiatur - Vulg.)

Today I was flossing for the first time in months - I'll put my confession out there, I have terrible oral hygeine - and I began to remember all the dark omens the dentist told me last time I visited about the consequences of my negligence and all the horrible remedies he had (usually involving much pain). I'm not trying to make an excuse for my own poor stewardship of my body - Lord knows no lawyer could win me that one. I'm simply stating it to get to a deeper truth - stay with me. So I looked up the gum disease which leads to tooth loss and apparently 30-50% of Americans have a 'prevalence towards it' (whatever that means). After pondering the enormity of that disease (and was comforted as it obviously isn't an epidemic, or deadly, just unsightly), I thought of the enormity of the oldest disease: sin, and it's mortality rate: 100%

My friend and I went to the Traditional Latin Mass this morning and in the austerity of the priests and the near-dead old men and women around us, I realized that death is everywhere. The illusion of youth is invincibility. But one day I - an unfinished human - probably with bad teeth, and too many extra pounds, will breath my last, and this life will be over. Nothing I owned or acheived in this world will matter, in the end my very body will become the food of worms. What will it profit me if I lose my soul? nothing. What will it profit me if I give my soul to Christ? everything.

So perhaps we shouldn't worry about Mayan Calendar's or Tooth Loss, perhaps all of these ephemereal issues are just the smoke and mirrors of the Devil, trying to keep us away from Jesus.

Following this observation on death, I came up with another thought. Is there anything more revolutionary than gratitude? What if I spent my life, looking on all my faillures, and all the tragedies in the world, and against all this was simply thankful. What if I was just grateful, and worshipped the glory and majesty of the Lord, even though everything else went to nothing. Karl Barth (another Reformed fellow) once said that Mozart's music (he was a Catholic by the way) was the greatest testimony to the glory of God in his age; because when all others were trying to figure out the Lisbon earthquake, he wrote magnificent music to the glory of God. I want to be a Mozart, rather than a Voltaire. I want to be grateful, if I can do that, I will have at least in some way been an arrow pointing to the glory of God.

Jesus Loves Me

"that I may live to God; with Christ I am nailed to the cross. And I live, now not I: but Christ liveth in me. And that I live now in the flesh: I live in the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and delivered himself for me." - Galatians 2:19-20 (Douay-Rheims)

"The cross reminds us that there is no true love without suffering, there is no gift of life without pain." - Pope Benedict XVI

In the Newman Club yesterda we had a meeting with about 10 people and we all sat around pictures of Jesus. Each picture represented a different part of Jesus' life and symbolized a different part of the person and work of Christ. We were asked to choose the picture we could most easily relate to, and then write our thoughts on what Jesus means to us in this part of his life.

I chose - predictable enough for a former Protestant - the Crucifixion.

I wrote that in the image of the crucifix (and the crucifixion), God has made visible to us the love he has. It is Christ doing what I could never do, and giving me what I could never deserve. In the satisfaction of Christ, God has bought me with his blood, he has become the ransom of my soul. Every week - every day - Christ offers himself for me again in mass, the same eternal sacrifice of Calvary, as in my sin I constantly re-crucify the son of God. He allowed his hands to be nailed in an open embrace forever, and my salvation is only ever one embrace away. God has loved me this much.

Others talked about Christ as their teacher, and healer, and it was beautiful. By the end of the meeting I had tears in my eyes, it reminded me of what Chesterton once said "Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair."

This all reminded me of one of my favourite theology stories:

When the great Swiss Reformed theologian Karl Barth was asked what the greatest theological insight he had ever discovered in his life was, he replied, "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the bible tells me so".



One of my favourite things about Catholicism is whenever I enter a Church and see the crucifix above the altar, it always reminds me that the only reason we are still gathered here is because of Him.

Christ and Vatican II (pt.1)

"The Church firmly believes that Christ, who died and was raised up for all, can through His Spirit offer man the light and the strength to measure up to his supreme destiny. Nor has any other name under the heaven been given to man by which it is fitting for him to be saved. She likewise holds that in her most benign Lord and Master can be found the key, the focal point and the goal of man, as well as of all human history. The Church also maintains that beneath all changes there are many realities which do not change and which have their ultimate foundation in Christ, Who is the same yesterday and today, yes and forever. Hence under the light of Christ, the image of the unseen God, the firstborn of every creature, the council wishes to speak to all men in order to shed light on the mystery of man and to cooperate in finding the solution to the outstanding problems of our time." - Gaudium et Spes - Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World

After finishing the Ratzinger Report - a really long interview with Cardinal Ratzinger at the time, now, Pope Benedict XVI. He encourages those who wish to be truly faithful to the teaching of the Church not to return to Latin liturgy and pre-conciliar neo-scholasticism, but rather to go boldly into the future and to look directly at the documents.

I am reading Gaudium et Spes now (I'm pretty sure I've read Lumen Gentium and Dei Verbum before) and I just had to put this quote up because it was so Christocentric. I love that they say that all of human history finds it's focal point in Jesus. Amen.