Another week, another failed attempt in the dating world. Then my friend Lance, told me that I have to ask out a girl this week whom I'd talked with him about, "or else". He is a violent guy, but the 3000 mile distance makes me feel safe.
I'm getting really frustrated about things. I talked to Br. Rauol who is now our main chaplain, about celibacy, etc. He - as everyone does - tells me I should follow God's calling. The problem mainly is that God hasn't called me to anything. The last call I got was to be a Baptist/Calvinist minister when I was in England and back home in Canada for a bit. Since I've learned that I was an Arian at that time, it makes me wary of trusting any divine claims.
One fellow recusant, the English former Master of the Dominicans (Order of Preachers) says this:
"Celibacy is not just a matter of not having sex. It is a way of admiring a person for their humanity, maybe even for their beauty."- Fr. Timothy Radcliffe O.P.
I would like to look at girls and see their humanity and beauty, and feel no disordered desires, and have no machinations about how I might win them like St. George storming the dragon and sweeping the damsel off her feet. Although this proves difficult.
Perhaps I will end up a Dominican/Jesuit/Benedictine/(insert religious order here) brother after all. Although this new plan makes me laugh because of the words of yet another Recusant Dominican (a convert as well):
"whatever plans you may formulate be sure of one thing, God will frustrate them!" - Ian Hislop