Thoughts from St. Cyprian

"Hence, then, the one peaceful and trustworthy tranquillity, the one solid and firm and constant security, is this, for a man to withdraw from these eddies of a distracting world, and, anchored on the ground of the harbour of salvation, to lift his eyes from earth to heaven; and having been admitted to the gift of God, and being already very near to his God in mind, he may boast, that whatever in human affairs others esteem lofty and grand, lies altogether beneath his consciousness. He who is actually greater than the world can crave nothing, can desire nothing, from the world. How stable, how free from all shocks is that safeguard; how heavenly the protection in its perennial blessings,— to be loosed from the snares of this entangling world, and to be purged from earthly dregs, and fitted for the light of eternal immortality! He will see what crafty mischief of the foe that previously attacked us has been in progress against us. We are constrained to have more love for what we shall be, by being allowed to know and to condemn what we were. Neither for this purpose is it necessary to pay a price either in the way of bribery or of labour; so that man's elevation or dignity or power should be begotten in him with elaborate effort; but it is a gratuitous gift from God, and it is accessible to all. As the sun shines spontaneously, as the day gives light, as the fountain flows, as the shower yields moisture, so does the heavenly Spirit infuse itself into us. When the soul, in its gaze into heaven, has recognised its Author, it rises higher than the sun, and far transcends all this earthly power, and begins to be that which it believes itself to be." - St. Cyprian of Carthage (Epistle 1.14)

Scared of Confession

I have had a bad 3 weeks and I'm a little scared to go to confession. The way my life is working out, I only have 1 option for confession right now and it's the FSSP oratory /Traditional Catholic Church. I love the FSSP guys, don't get me wrong... but they kind of scare me. I normally go to a more liberal nice old man who kind of is more awkward about my confession than I am and tells me I don't need to remember the number and that I'll grow out of things as I get older and that it's all normal. So basically I have Law or Gospel (to phrase it in a Lutheran way), and as all good Lutherans know, you need a proper combination of Law & Gospel (Justice & Mercy in Catholicism). Thus am I stuck. So I don't know how long I'll hold out before I go to the Oratory and get yelled at and tentatively absolved (hopefully). But maybe I'll get a saturday off soon and I'll be able to return to my liberal confessor.

I've finished St. Ambrose's 1st book on Repentance and found this quote interesting, it kind of shames me with my laxity and complaining:



"If, then, any one, having committed hidden sins, shall nevertheless diligently do penance, how shall he receive those rewards if not restored to the communion of the Church? I am willing, indeed, that the guilty man should hope for pardon, should seek it with tears and groans, should seek it with the aid of the tears of all the people, should implore forgiveness; and if communion be postponed two or three times, that he should believe that his entreaties have not been urgent enough, that he must increase his tears, must come again even in greater trouble, clasp the feet of the faithful with his arms, kiss them, wash them with tears, and not let them go, so that the Lord Jesus may say of him too: His sins which are many are forgiven, for he loved much. (Luke 7:47)

I have known penitents whose countenance was furrowed with tears, their cheeks worn with constant weeping, who offered their body to be trodden under foot by all, who with faces ever pale and worn with fasting bore about in a yet living body the likeness of death." - St. Ambrose of Milan "On Repentance" Book 1, Chapter 16, 90-91

Granted these were the days before the penitential system / confession was around, so things were different, but it's interesting to look at.