So yesterday was one of the only 2 days our Latin rite Church makes us fast for. Perfectly good I thought, so I'll just eat 1 meal and not consume meat. I work in a deli, and occassionally we will slice an extra piece of meat and consume it. Extra care today! I thought. So I went all day fasting and I was amazed at how much weaker I was at work. I am also not buying any food during Lent so I couldn't get anything to eat (plus it was a fast day). Then after explaining to my fellow Catholics at work, all of whom didn't go to Ash Wednesday services or fast, that we aren't supposed to eat meat today and are to get our ashes, I ate a piece of roast beef sitting on the cutting board. AGDHSGSHOGDOHOPIHWGOH!!@!@@#!LPJKLHI all that fasting for nothing.
The only good thing about being in habitual impurity is that if the aforementioned act was a mortal sin, I already have about 6 on my soul at the moment, so I'll just add it to the list for my soul-wash on saturday (hurray for the Sacrament of Penance).
Anyway, that was my story. St. Thomas famously said that sometimes God allows us to fall into minor sins to keep us from the greatest sin of Pride. Yesterday I could certainly see that Providence, as I did think to myself 'wow, this is really hard, and I'm the only Catholic who did it within my immediate area' and as the scripture sayeth: "pride goeth before the fall" (Prov. 16:18).
So what did I learn yesterday from Ash Wednesday? I'm a sinner, I'm a glutton, I'm proud of my (imperfect yet superior) practice of Catholicism, and that I have alot of worse things about me which I shouldn't divulge on the internet. So I guess it was a success, because I really want to do penance now.
Each day of Lent I'll be picking a Saint for intercession. Today I'm trying to do a do-over and not eat any meat. I figure I'm going to need to pull out the big guns. So that's right, I'm using my number one life-line in intercession (after Christ obviously, as if I needed to mention that), Mama Mary, Mediatrix of all graces extraordinaire.
Seriously though, yesterday after all my faillures I read some of the gospel and prayed my rosary, and once again, I honestly can't explain how, but Mary was so 'present'/'active'/related to , it actually kind of freaked me out, because my Mariology is so lacking. I'm going to have to appreciate Our Lady more this Lent as I pray for my vocation.
"When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing beside her, he said to his mother, ‘Woman, here is your son.’ Then he said to the disciple, ‘Here is your mother.’ And from that hour the disciple took her into his own home." - John 18:26,27
Holy Mary, mater dei, pray for this miserable son of yours, that he might receive the grace of a pierced heart like yours, with a love for Jesus that overwhelms all the sin and complaint, and gives clarity to the Lord's calling. Amen.
I know I risk jeopardizing my dwindling Protestant readership by mentioning the Blessed Virgin, but I can't help it, it's the only experiential part of my faith right now at this stage of whatever journey I'm on.